Im a pauper in prince clothing and the sad thing is knowing that if they take a closer look they could read me like a book. What did I give up to get this way where people see the facade of the man I've worked so hard not to play. I'm losing it, it's not my mind why is my own respect so hard to find. I played the game like I was told sit back n ride on someone else's bold. Then seize the opp to seize the top at their expense A pauper in prince clothing in need of exposing the truth that still exists why am I still fighting with this? Cuz the truthful life is harder than I'd ever imagined being myself in my skin makes it harder to fit in. Like all the big city ppl with shirts and ties sophisticated folks are my demise. Line em up one two three in a row I need my country roots to let my country trees grow, stretch forth like you wanna w/o no inhibitions nobody fallin in line no need for social submission.

Your Last...

Your Last... I learned some upsetting news the other day about a man who helped me during a time of much trouble. Before I get into this I wanna make sure people know I'm not tryna make something out of nothing, create a story, be funny or anything of that nature...That being said this blog is about my Mechanic Angel....I know sounds a bit out there but bear with me. Mr.Larry aka my mechanic angel as some people who know me might remember me calling him, apparently passed months ago due to cancer. Who was this man to me, initially he was a phone call, a skilled mechanic, somebody I called when I needed work done on my car. A mere exchange of funds for some kind of service...That's what he was. His story meant nothing to me at the time his actions though appreciated weren’t of significance other than the task he was jokingly, my mechanic angel simply because he did a great work on my car every time I needed it. What is he now...well quite frankly he will be a constant reminder of what Life is like when you are a free person. Mr. Larry first did work on my car after my window was busted into about a year ago around this time. A friend of the family recommended him saying he was a skilled mechanic. Upon meeting him I thought nothing about him other than can he o the work, but as we created small talk to pass the time I realized that this guy had a story behind him. The way he interacted with me and my father let me know that not only was he good at what he did , but that he loved what he did. AS he worked on the window he searched my car looking for other things that might need mending, not to pocket more money but because he noticed this was my first car, nothing special but to me it was my everything and I could tell he knew this. He wanted to make sure every part of my champagne 97 camry was in working order and that I was satisfied with the vehicle and the work. All this initially made me nervous bcuz in my head I could tally up what this all would cost me, I've heard what a broken window can put you back, now multiply that by a college student and I knew I might have to ask the popz for a small loan...Expecting a 200 bill and a swift kick in the wallet I asked how much we looking at, Mr. Larry hadn’t given a price yet. He smiled and said whatever you want to give me is fine whatever ur able to come up with will do! me and my pops looked at him like “THIS SUCKER”… well I did but pops saw him as a blessing. point is it wasn’t the money that motivated him now do i know that at the time he knew he was battling cancer...naw, but either way u can pick up on a man’s spirit by how he goes about his work, u can also tell a lot about a man by the way he conducts his business...he could a spiked da price and i would a had to pay it and he woulda had a couple extra dollars n been about his day, but the seed he planted did more for the both of us by simply seeing my need extending a helping and generous hand and cutting the price for a broke college student. what that did was 1)make it easier for me to come back if need be, 2) tell others about his business so he'd get it all back any way 3) remove the uneasiness and uncertainty around him as an individual, i got to see the man, see his spirit, connect with him on a personal level...what's the point of it all??? In a day and age when the “me first” mentality clouds our mind and we all want to get rich or die tryin'...sometimes we gotta sit back and think "while I'm getting rich, what am i robbing from the people around me" it may not be money but it very well could be the opportunity to connect, establish community, establish friendships, assist a troubled or down trotten individual, the blinders of society make it so the as we get rich the community dies tryna save itself from itself.... not tryna get preachy but I do want to motivate you to conduct your self like your dayz are winding down. Like the end may be near, like you care about the human condition, enough to sacrifice something for something else to show itself. Sometimes it may be better to sacrifice “light green” to give hope, good nature, generosity and community the “green light”…Preciate you Mr. Larry

C'Mon u Gotta Do Better (the story of Girl X)

I learn it the hard way once again...I gotta stop doin it this way.


So over sometime now I've been in limbo concerning several situations in my life mainly people in it and how much they really mean to me. There was, lets just say girl X who I keep close but she didn't mean to me what I may have meant to her...I know I'm better than that but this is an area I'm working on...anyway I kept her close because she was familiar, but thank god I had a revelation concerning my approach to situations like this...So girl X and I was kicking it and nun too much a lil movie n a few drinks, nun special then it hit me 1. I'm too old for this or at least I know better than this, I realized the time she's investing in me is not worth ma time, not sayin im better than anybody but when u can look into a girls eyes and see she see's her ticket outta all the drama, hurt n pain she been thru instead of a parter a friend, it's time to seek companionship elsewhere, pops told me (always gonna refer to pop wisest men i know) that women sometimes will see the God in you b4 they ever see you, and that being said never become a woman's savior because you will only let her down...as she looked me in the eye, drinkin' my drinks, watchin; my cable, on my couch, in my house, lol goin to far but u feel me, i saw it was the God in me she wanted company with, not me, her life was tattered we both knew it, i was the guy she could be comfortable around, chill with, not have to be sexy around, not have to be on guard about, not have to worry if i was tryna get in her pants....and then it hit me, i def was tryna get in her pants and that bothered me to my core because that had never been me, i never wanted that for myself but time and really idle time allowed my mind to go there with someone who i at one point cared about enough to fight for...another revelation hit me, i was becoming the man i never wanted to be all because i was putting girl Y on the backburner (i'll explain later) she saw me as savior and i saw her as a decent time...both of us just using each other selfishly not really caring about the other in the least bit. both smiling like we were having a good time but in reallity we were escaping (for that moment in time) the hell we had created for ourselves, she created hell via bad relationship experiences in which she put too much in guys laps (literally and figuratively) and me by not accepting the love and affection of girl Y bcuz i'm still young n dumb and full of myself...It was by the grace of God that I came to my senses and built up enough intestinal fortitude to take her home and not fall into the traps of a bored wanna be bachelor. I had to go to God on this one bcuz all i have is my name in this earth and the funny thing is im not the one who can proclaim it, it is other people who must testify about my name, all i do is work hard to create a good case for it. I use to think it was only the popular and powerful people who could make or break me, but in all honesty, it's the people you look through who you encounter and behave wreckless about that can bring you down because they are the ones (at least in by life) that the part of you you dont want others to see comes out...Look at it like this when your name is called into judgement, it won't be your friends the "prosecution" calls to the stand, it will be the people u didnt try to butter up, but instead stepped on them to satisfy ur own selfish needs...C'mon (David) U gotta do better!