LifeChangingConversations

I'm having life changing conversations seemingly everyday either with myself (I know a bit off) or with my friends of late. Last night had no shortage of quizzical philosophy and religious banter. Of late the religious banter has clouded my mind unlike any other time in my life. This may have something to do with where my head has been of late (counseling sessions, talk of psych evals, etc yea who'd a thunk I'd be there) and the decisions that must be made in the near future. The discussion of my personal faith struck a chord with my friends as I tried to explain to them that recently I have had serious doubts about the last 20 years of my spiritual life. I've been meandering over the "fundamental principles of my faith" and what I believe now is becoming in sharp contrast to what I was raised to believe. During these moments of doubt, recollection, and inward journeying I was asked to describe my foundational beliefs, things that I cannot throw away no matter how lost I may feel. The major points I cannot throw away are 1) Sin is real and by that I mean that within all of us there is a desire to do wrong, be selfish, be mean, spiteful, steal, what have you, no matter how lost I have become, situations in my life have led me to believe that people are born into this disease and there is nothing we can do to escape it. I understand that dire circumstances also play a role in people's outlook and the life decisions they make, however I know through experience that "you don't have to teach a child to do wrong (as my granny would always say,) you got to teach em to do the right thing". 2) Faith in something is necessary for happiness. Without something to believe in we become hopeless pessimistic directionless creatures. The issue that I am having with this is I am starting to believe that a deity may not be the only plausible option to have faith in, though I am beginning to establish within myself that I am a deist. While this process of late is becoming taxing because it conjures an innumerable amount of questions that I don't have time to tackle now. 3) I believe in Jesus in the historical sense, that he was a man, that he had followers and that people died to defend his story. I cannot at this time devalue the significance of the man Jesus and his impact on society and spirituality. I am not ready to him as a deity for the simple fact that men have died when given the option to reject it or deny it. People have taken that to the grave and there are eyewitness accounts of his life and miraculous works. This being said, I don't know how much weight I can put on his deity and furthermore how much he is in control of daily activity. There are too many circumstances that I feel are illogical and have no rhyme or reason and seem only to be a matter of circumstance void of any mystical supernatural plan. Many of the situations I once deemed as an act of God now seem to be nothing more than coincidences and products of logical, scientific order. I also am starting to believe that I was only projecting an illogical perspective that was influenced by my upbringing as a Christian and that in the realm of Christendom Christians are quick to give God credit for the good he does but avoid the conversation when things don't make sense to us I.e. death and destruction. The conversation I have with many Christians about the bad things that happen in life simple ends in "it's in God's will" one of the most frustrating and hopeless feeling that I cannot at this time just let ride. Why am I supposed to wait on the will of God? I think this cripples many Christians because on the one end they believe that God is in control of all and he opens and closes doors on their behalf, he smites their enemies, he allows for wonderful things to happen to them, but when things go wrong we look for the silver lining and wait for God to turn things around for us. I have friends of all beliefs and I believe I admire the atheist the most. As I told my friends during this conversation "Atheist has a fire lit under them that inspires them into action that Christians will never experience. Because they don't wait on God to get things done they simple work harder to accomplish the good that they want to see." I'm going to get back to this at some point but for now I'm spending this summer journeying, learning, discussion, and doing what I WANT. Maybe along the way I'll find some answers but I will get back to this subject and let you'll know what I come up with.

Fashawn - Samsonite Man (feat. Blu) [Official Music Video] HD

Ok if none of you have heard of Fashawn here's a taste of what he brings to the table. The Fresno, Cal rapper in my opinion has a slept on album "Boy Meets World" some slept on mixtapes "One Shot One Kill, The Antidote, The Grizzly Cities...and an upcoming Mixtape tentatively titled "Ode to Illmatic" which is of course an ode to the classic Illmatic a daunting task for the young MC but I think he'll hold his own. Here's a video for "Samsonite Man" one of my favorites off his debut album ENJOY!

Convos with a Stranger r Easy..,pt. 1

Have you ever meet the right person at the right time for the right reason? Let me make myself more clear. Have you ever had an amazing conversation with a stranger? Why is it that some of us feel that we are more comfortable talking to complete strangers,random friends, co-workers with a listening ear as opposed to our friends. Some would say that statement should cause you to re-evaluate your so called friends to that point I could not fully disagree. But for me some of the most intimate honest conversations in recent weeks have been with a 'new friend who I've probably had 4 face-to-face conversations with. The whole time we talked most recently I wondered to myself why am I (someone who is admittedly paranoid, skeptical, and introverted at times) having this revealing vulnerable conversation with this woman. I came up with a number of answers but this one sits best with me for the time being. I felt at home with this person because there was no air of expectancy, no prior constructions of who I really am or might be, no need to impress. I felt as if this person provided an atmosphere of genuine, honesty & love something that sad as it is to admit I don't have with most of my long time friends. I sat for hours talking with this newly developed friend as if they were the family or friend I've always wanted tried to create and never completely found. I hate to ramble so I will not harp on the freshness of our relationship but rather the elements that make what we have so beautiful. There was a mutual (high) level of trust. (God only knows how, after so short a time but it was there). These conversations have caused me to re-evaluate the way I interact with my friends. I don't want to be superficial with people who I consider family because after a while we will drift away and wonder what happened. The charge is to eliminate atmospheres of indifference with loved ones and either make an investment or let someone else do it...not to be harsh but really just to let people know where I stand.

Playing with Fire

Whats stopping you from becoming what you want to be in life? One of the most common answers I'm assuming would be fear. "The fear of becoming great." "The fear of failure if you don't make it." Many of these type of answer come up when I have conversations with people about the issue of fear. I too have used this as a diagnosis as to why I fall short in areas of my life that I claim to want. Upon further review, I must recant the many times I've made that statement to any of you reading this. For, just as much a part the match plays in the burning of a building, so much so does fear play a part in the destruction of dreams, or this is the the way I've seen it work. We quickly diagnose the dream deferred as a lack of confidence, or fear which supposedly cripples us into a comatose state which we apparently grow all to comfortable with. We grow comfortable in our "daily grind" we grow comfortable in our "boring jobs" we grow comfortable is in our comfort ability, all because of the all powerful fear of change, failure, or rejection. I use to believe this in my own life when I was faced with an obstacle but upon further review like I was wearing the referees stripes myself, I am starting to believe that it is shear laziness on my behalf that cripples me. A conversation concerning a well to do author (the only reason he's well to do has nothing to do with his book but rather his other half's book club and 4pm talk show) sparked the idea that fear played the biggest part in him not going after his dream of becoming a professional athlete. Upon hearing this I came to my own conclusion that this was merely BS and the author simply did not want to put in the work required to reach that goal. By no means am I saying that his current career path did not lead him to the success he once wanted, but what I am saying is that sometimes goals aren't reached because we realize the price you must to achieve them. For some of use we realize that we never had enough to pay the toll any way or what I am suggesting is that we will never know until we try and anything else is a form of laziness, sparked by fear. This spark of fear again is the match but the fire is laziness and it spreads into other areas of our lives often times because we get comfortable with the heat...It becomes bearable...sound familiar, You may be in Hell and don't even know it. Family Check Yourself, Lets not get comfortable with hell and furthermore lets us acknowledge that some things in life we cant afford. Let us be cognizant of the talents God's given us and put those to use as best we can before we start to reach for things we cant afford yet.