C'Mon u Gotta Do Better (the story of Girl X)

I learn it the hard way once again...I gotta stop doin it this way.


So over sometime now I've been in limbo concerning several situations in my life mainly people in it and how much they really mean to me. There was, lets just say girl X who I keep close but she didn't mean to me what I may have meant to her...I know I'm better than that but this is an area I'm working on...anyway I kept her close because she was familiar, but thank god I had a revelation concerning my approach to situations like this...So girl X and I was kicking it and nun too much a lil movie n a few drinks, nun special then it hit me 1. I'm too old for this or at least I know better than this, I realized the time she's investing in me is not worth ma time, not sayin im better than anybody but when u can look into a girls eyes and see she see's her ticket outta all the drama, hurt n pain she been thru instead of a parter a friend, it's time to seek companionship elsewhere, pops told me (always gonna refer to pop wisest men i know) that women sometimes will see the God in you b4 they ever see you, and that being said never become a woman's savior because you will only let her down...as she looked me in the eye, drinkin' my drinks, watchin; my cable, on my couch, in my house, lol goin to far but u feel me, i saw it was the God in me she wanted company with, not me, her life was tattered we both knew it, i was the guy she could be comfortable around, chill with, not have to be sexy around, not have to be on guard about, not have to worry if i was tryna get in her pants....and then it hit me, i def was tryna get in her pants and that bothered me to my core because that had never been me, i never wanted that for myself but time and really idle time allowed my mind to go there with someone who i at one point cared about enough to fight for...another revelation hit me, i was becoming the man i never wanted to be all because i was putting girl Y on the backburner (i'll explain later) she saw me as savior and i saw her as a decent time...both of us just using each other selfishly not really caring about the other in the least bit. both smiling like we were having a good time but in reallity we were escaping (for that moment in time) the hell we had created for ourselves, she created hell via bad relationship experiences in which she put too much in guys laps (literally and figuratively) and me by not accepting the love and affection of girl Y bcuz i'm still young n dumb and full of myself...It was by the grace of God that I came to my senses and built up enough intestinal fortitude to take her home and not fall into the traps of a bored wanna be bachelor. I had to go to God on this one bcuz all i have is my name in this earth and the funny thing is im not the one who can proclaim it, it is other people who must testify about my name, all i do is work hard to create a good case for it. I use to think it was only the popular and powerful people who could make or break me, but in all honesty, it's the people you look through who you encounter and behave wreckless about that can bring you down because they are the ones (at least in by life) that the part of you you dont want others to see comes out...Look at it like this when your name is called into judgement, it won't be your friends the "prosecution" calls to the stand, it will be the people u didnt try to butter up, but instead stepped on them to satisfy ur own selfish needs...C'mon (David) U gotta do better!