This New Journey

Wuddup world? All of you kind people who browse this blog by accident or pity or you're a stalker wanting to know my inner thoughts and rants to befriend me with this inside information. Whoever you are I'm glad to have your attention once again to fill you in on my most recent endeavor. I been away from the blog for some time, not that I've forgotten ya'll or didn't have anything to get off my chest, but I have been in the early stages of trying to write the next chapter of my life. with school behind me one way or the other, it's time to focus on me….if you thought I was doing that before you don't know me well enough. These last few months I've thrown myself at the mercy of those around me, more specifically strangers who don't give 2 rats tails about me. I've taken my talents to the stage and I'm currently trying my hand at comedy, standup comedy to be exact. For those of you that ask why, or what the hell the answer is I have no idea. The more holistic answer is I have no idea why I haven't tried my hand at this sooner. The time I spend working on jokes, must be what Kobe feels like in the gym in the off season getting ready to play at an MVP level I feel competitive when I write, competitive with myself, I want to be better at this than I have wanted to be better at anything in a long time. When I get on stage I want to be the best comedian I can be. The rush of the stage is something I've never felt before, the anticipation of the crowds laughter, controlling a room, making people smile or think is something I've always wanted. It's funny though that this whole process is actually helping me in other areas of life.(that I'm going to share in detail later) For starters though I've found that this whole standing in front of strangers and letting them rip into you with their eyes is scary, but what's even scarier is seeing yourself afterwards and knowing that wasn't you, (i.e. I haven't found my voice yet) and that they're so many improvements needed to get to where you want. Which means now its fight or flight, either I'm going to spend hours perfecting the craft or add this to the pile of things I "may" have been good at. For the first time in a long time I've latched on to something that I can't let go of. The stage, the fear, the work, the writing, the whole process speaks to my soul. My folks don't get it now, my friends for the most part support it but I know some think I'm a damn fool, but honestly as one of my comic mentors told me, "if you for like this don't stop until you want to and if you are for real about it you won't be able to stop it." This is soul art, something you do because something in you is crying for it. At this stage of the process in the words of one of my best friends "I still smell of placenta" I'm fresh, brand new, but honestly this is something I'd regret not giving it my all, and the late hours I'm spending writing preparing honestly don't feel like work at all…and besides everything I'm doing now is definitely for the FREE…and I still love it, and I will continue to seek the stage if for nothing else its cathartic nature. I'm going to revamp the blog a little in the future, giving ya'll the videos of my sets, adding a little more humor to the writing, but I'm still gonna try and put ya'll on the music I'm on, lessons I've learned, and tears I've cried on this journey. I'm gonna keep it raw with ya'll and hope we both get something out of this journey…Let's Get It!

Directors Cut - Big Sean "How I Got Signed"

Big Sean. Finally Famous Vol 3. Get Familiar

This post is to put those under a rock on notice about the young up n coming GOOD Music affiliated rapper Big Sean. Big Sean just dropped Finally Famous Vol. 3 not too long ago and even though it was suppose to drop mmmm...i dont know sometime in March, I'm glad it's Finally Here. To be honest he may not be your favorite rappers favorite rapper but this brother wont be denied. I first heard of Big Sean like 3 or 4 years ago when I was in his hometown, (my second hometown) Detroit. My lil cousin was tryna put me on this young dude that be on the radio and needless to say I paid him no mind. a year after that my lil sister who has incredible musical taste for her age put me on the Finally Famous The Mixtape. I was hooked after the intro when Ye explained how he signed the Westside rapper. Kanye explains how Sean hunted him while at the station and just started spittin "like 100 bars" and he was like "that sh*t was crazy Imma sign you" Now listening to FFV3 years after the encounter its clear that he will be a force on the GOOD Music squad. His flow leaves something to be desired at times but everytime I listen you pick up a different bar that leaves with a lol ok I see you. Nonetheless his story just goes to show you that luck is simply opportunity shaking hands with preparation. Check the Video for Big Seans version of the story...

WE ARE CALLED OUR MASKS ARE NOT…

Masks, faces, acts, at some point in time all of us wear or behave in these apparatuses as a cover. In this letter I read called "a student letter" there is an undeniable commonality that everyone shares in that though we all wear them and we all wish to be free of them. But sadly some of us simply can't or just don't know how to shake ourselves of this seemingly inseparable appendage. The individual in this letter "loathes" concealment and is wishing to find the LIBERATORY agent which can free him from this constant feeling falsehood. What is it that stops us from what we want and more pressing, from what is necessary for us to function as we were created to navigate through life free in our spirituality. I continue to focus on spirituality in my own life, I keep referring to this in my head as Calling. I believe that spirituality, though clearly more complex ,may partially be a calling to what the Creator has only whispered so divinely in your ear. Staying with the creation story it can be said that this may be how God intended it. In Eden prior to sin, Adam walked and communicated with God in such a way that would make a couple on their diamond (60^th) anniversary slightly jealous. There Adam had the ear of the Creator and the Creator communicated to him directly and uninhibitedly. There was neither need nor desire to conceal anything. Both the called and the Caller were on the same connection. But alas, the infamous fall and with it an immediate desire to run, to hide, to withhold, to fear that which wanted only to commune, only to fellowship, only to love, to simply be with His creation. The wall had been created not because of the action of partaking of the fruit which he was not called to eat of but created due to the inactivity of his once spiritual connection to his calling. The snake may have distracted the woman Eve, she may have done so to her husband Adam and just as this may have happened so too may fear, insecurity, spiritual laziness and suppression have done the same to us and our calling. In the end of the letter the writer longs for love and hopes that it is stronger than the thick wall that has been created and hindered him from hearing his calling. Just as we desire a community of acceptance, love and deep spiritual conviction to allow us to hear our calling once again. The student in this writing is in all of us, the mask he wears, we all wear. Very few of us are blessed to regain that connection to the Calling on the other end of our spiritual line, but those that are, are responsible to tear down those walls help take off those masks that others cannot and create a community of called individuals whose ears are pointed steadfast to the Caller.

the beauty in the inevitable

For many young people the upcoming days mark the beginning of a big change, transition, and shift in their daily routines. For my little sister this was all too much as she was just one day away from beginning her senior year of HS at Jonesboro. Much of the summer she spent time hoping for an escape from the mundane summer days stuck in the house or living the life of a vehicle(less) teenager. Sure she and her friends would break free of this occasionally and do what it is teenagers do make something out of nothing and go places their meager allowances or pt jobs would allow. But here she was the day before the first day of her senior year and all she could do was mire in frustration and angst of the beginning of the end or rather the beginning of the unknown. My sister carries the dubious trait that seemingly is passed down in our family, the crippling trait and fear of change. I know I experience it every day. At times in my life it was due to my insatiable need to control everything which is in opposition to all the laws of nature. Being the BIG BROTHER that I try to be but fail so often, I tried to comfort her with words of encouragement and as I did this something clicked in my own head. It was as if I preached a sermon to myself, the "self" that lived comfortably dormant for years wallowing in its self-righteousness and false since of security. Here in this twisted state of mind I would get frustrated with people around me who didn't see things the way I saw them, people who transformed into something unrecognizable, things that I did not understand, ultimately situations I could not control. Here I would spend countless hours blaming everybody but myself for my frustrations, here I would fall to the most unsavory for of deception self doubt all because I found myself in the passenger seat of life and had no control of the wheel. This happens in life…as I tried to explain to my beautiful little sister who is not so little anymore, all grown up and on the cusp of adulthood or at least when society tells you life is about to aim its foot straight for your ass so get ready for it. Anyway as I tried to encourage her about the new school year I stumbled upon an example that may just be the key for me to get a grasp on this thing call change. Have you ever wonder why God gave us 4 seasons? No…me either but hear my rational that might make any meteorologist squirm. I think God gives us 4 seasons to learn to deal with change. Imagine 365 days of summer, not quite 500 but the equivalent of one year of mid to upper 80s sunshine every day, limited rain, clear skies and all the fun and excitement that comes with summer months 365 days of the year. Sounds enjoyable and for high school students sounds like paradise. But think of the consequences of this type of environment, the sun eventually burns out the grass the leaves brown, trees and plants begin to dehydrate and wither away and most importantly your AC bill is through the roof. Doesn't sound so appealing now does it. Or for you winter people who for some reason admire ungodly temperatures meant only for moose or is it mooses… reindeer and a fictional fat white man, a wonderland of frigid white wanna be rain that eventually weighs down limbs causing them to fall on houses, the constant threat of hypothermia, ridiculous North Face vests, Gucci Mane chapped lips and a heating bill through the roof…(guess I can't get away from the bill) All this to say seasons come and go for a reason. For me and as I tried to explain to my sister they may change so we can appreciate the beauty in each of them when they aren't apparent, or maybe to teach us to prepare for them prior to the change. Either way avoiding the change is like walking around life with your hands covering your eyes. You are less inclined to move, which means you are doubtful to realize the opportunities all around you and are more likely remain in what many of us call our comfort zones. Areas where we wallow in are limited perspectives hoping that others are just in arms length to wallow with us. The problem with this is covering your eyes limits you to acknowledging the beautiful complex world around us and causes us to be unprepared for when things change because we never saw it coming not because we weren't warned, but because we chose not to see the beauty in the inevitable. With that I just took one hand away from my eyelids and starting looking around…maybe you should to It's a beautiful world waiting for you to explore but you gotta keep your eyes open to experience it…

SOUTH AFRICAN LEAD STUDENTS SINGING

AMAZING SEEING THIS, STILL DONT KNOW THE WORDS BUT LIKE MY BOY CAM SAID

"I DONT KNOW WHAT THEY SAYIN BUT I FELT THAT ISH"

im getting back

It's been more than a minute and I've had some amazing experiences over the past month all of which have taught me lessons, made me smile, struck deep emotions, but all have led me to believe that life is so much bigger than the moment you're in, but you gotta treat the moment your're in like it could be bigger than life. Over the past month basically I've seen the righteous hand of the law and the redemptive hand of grace both extended toward me. Academically Im at a crossroads and the direction is currently out of my hands and for that I am solely responsible. However this grace that has been extended toward me has shown me an example of its redemptive transformational qualities if handled correctly. I was down and out at the end of May, seemingly lost my job, my mind, my faith, my voice, my will power, everything but my life. All of these subtractions were overcome by a little show of grace (giving something to someone which they dont deserve as it was told to me) by someone who I respect and am forever in debt. A professor of mine allowed me to participate in a program that may have changed my life. I think over the next few posts Im gonna share specific experiences with ya'll but til then just know that 1. Teamwork makes the Dream work! 2. A free man/woman doesnt ask for their freedom but demands the freedom of others. 3. Grace has redemptive characteristics that the law will never possess. 4. Perspective is Everything. 5. Dreams are Keys to so many things...Use em.

LifeChangingConversations

I'm having life changing conversations seemingly everyday either with myself (I know a bit off) or with my friends of late. Last night had no shortage of quizzical philosophy and religious banter. Of late the religious banter has clouded my mind unlike any other time in my life. This may have something to do with where my head has been of late (counseling sessions, talk of psych evals, etc yea who'd a thunk I'd be there) and the decisions that must be made in the near future. The discussion of my personal faith struck a chord with my friends as I tried to explain to them that recently I have had serious doubts about the last 20 years of my spiritual life. I've been meandering over the "fundamental principles of my faith" and what I believe now is becoming in sharp contrast to what I was raised to believe. During these moments of doubt, recollection, and inward journeying I was asked to describe my foundational beliefs, things that I cannot throw away no matter how lost I may feel. The major points I cannot throw away are 1) Sin is real and by that I mean that within all of us there is a desire to do wrong, be selfish, be mean, spiteful, steal, what have you, no matter how lost I have become, situations in my life have led me to believe that people are born into this disease and there is nothing we can do to escape it. I understand that dire circumstances also play a role in people's outlook and the life decisions they make, however I know through experience that "you don't have to teach a child to do wrong (as my granny would always say,) you got to teach em to do the right thing". 2) Faith in something is necessary for happiness. Without something to believe in we become hopeless pessimistic directionless creatures. The issue that I am having with this is I am starting to believe that a deity may not be the only plausible option to have faith in, though I am beginning to establish within myself that I am a deist. While this process of late is becoming taxing because it conjures an innumerable amount of questions that I don't have time to tackle now. 3) I believe in Jesus in the historical sense, that he was a man, that he had followers and that people died to defend his story. I cannot at this time devalue the significance of the man Jesus and his impact on society and spirituality. I am not ready to him as a deity for the simple fact that men have died when given the option to reject it or deny it. People have taken that to the grave and there are eyewitness accounts of his life and miraculous works. This being said, I don't know how much weight I can put on his deity and furthermore how much he is in control of daily activity. There are too many circumstances that I feel are illogical and have no rhyme or reason and seem only to be a matter of circumstance void of any mystical supernatural plan. Many of the situations I once deemed as an act of God now seem to be nothing more than coincidences and products of logical, scientific order. I also am starting to believe that I was only projecting an illogical perspective that was influenced by my upbringing as a Christian and that in the realm of Christendom Christians are quick to give God credit for the good he does but avoid the conversation when things don't make sense to us I.e. death and destruction. The conversation I have with many Christians about the bad things that happen in life simple ends in "it's in God's will" one of the most frustrating and hopeless feeling that I cannot at this time just let ride. Why am I supposed to wait on the will of God? I think this cripples many Christians because on the one end they believe that God is in control of all and he opens and closes doors on their behalf, he smites their enemies, he allows for wonderful things to happen to them, but when things go wrong we look for the silver lining and wait for God to turn things around for us. I have friends of all beliefs and I believe I admire the atheist the most. As I told my friends during this conversation "Atheist has a fire lit under them that inspires them into action that Christians will never experience. Because they don't wait on God to get things done they simple work harder to accomplish the good that they want to see." I'm going to get back to this at some point but for now I'm spending this summer journeying, learning, discussion, and doing what I WANT. Maybe along the way I'll find some answers but I will get back to this subject and let you'll know what I come up with.

Fashawn - Samsonite Man (feat. Blu) [Official Music Video] HD

Ok if none of you have heard of Fashawn here's a taste of what he brings to the table. The Fresno, Cal rapper in my opinion has a slept on album "Boy Meets World" some slept on mixtapes "One Shot One Kill, The Antidote, The Grizzly Cities...and an upcoming Mixtape tentatively titled "Ode to Illmatic" which is of course an ode to the classic Illmatic a daunting task for the young MC but I think he'll hold his own. Here's a video for "Samsonite Man" one of my favorites off his debut album ENJOY!

Convos with a Stranger r Easy..,pt. 1

Have you ever meet the right person at the right time for the right reason? Let me make myself more clear. Have you ever had an amazing conversation with a stranger? Why is it that some of us feel that we are more comfortable talking to complete strangers,random friends, co-workers with a listening ear as opposed to our friends. Some would say that statement should cause you to re-evaluate your so called friends to that point I could not fully disagree. But for me some of the most intimate honest conversations in recent weeks have been with a 'new friend who I've probably had 4 face-to-face conversations with. The whole time we talked most recently I wondered to myself why am I (someone who is admittedly paranoid, skeptical, and introverted at times) having this revealing vulnerable conversation with this woman. I came up with a number of answers but this one sits best with me for the time being. I felt at home with this person because there was no air of expectancy, no prior constructions of who I really am or might be, no need to impress. I felt as if this person provided an atmosphere of genuine, honesty & love something that sad as it is to admit I don't have with most of my long time friends. I sat for hours talking with this newly developed friend as if they were the family or friend I've always wanted tried to create and never completely found. I hate to ramble so I will not harp on the freshness of our relationship but rather the elements that make what we have so beautiful. There was a mutual (high) level of trust. (God only knows how, after so short a time but it was there). These conversations have caused me to re-evaluate the way I interact with my friends. I don't want to be superficial with people who I consider family because after a while we will drift away and wonder what happened. The charge is to eliminate atmospheres of indifference with loved ones and either make an investment or let someone else do it...not to be harsh but really just to let people know where I stand.

Playing with Fire

Whats stopping you from becoming what you want to be in life? One of the most common answers I'm assuming would be fear. "The fear of becoming great." "The fear of failure if you don't make it." Many of these type of answer come up when I have conversations with people about the issue of fear. I too have used this as a diagnosis as to why I fall short in areas of my life that I claim to want. Upon further review, I must recant the many times I've made that statement to any of you reading this. For, just as much a part the match plays in the burning of a building, so much so does fear play a part in the destruction of dreams, or this is the the way I've seen it work. We quickly diagnose the dream deferred as a lack of confidence, or fear which supposedly cripples us into a comatose state which we apparently grow all to comfortable with. We grow comfortable in our "daily grind" we grow comfortable in our "boring jobs" we grow comfortable is in our comfort ability, all because of the all powerful fear of change, failure, or rejection. I use to believe this in my own life when I was faced with an obstacle but upon further review like I was wearing the referees stripes myself, I am starting to believe that it is shear laziness on my behalf that cripples me. A conversation concerning a well to do author (the only reason he's well to do has nothing to do with his book but rather his other half's book club and 4pm talk show) sparked the idea that fear played the biggest part in him not going after his dream of becoming a professional athlete. Upon hearing this I came to my own conclusion that this was merely BS and the author simply did not want to put in the work required to reach that goal. By no means am I saying that his current career path did not lead him to the success he once wanted, but what I am saying is that sometimes goals aren't reached because we realize the price you must to achieve them. For some of use we realize that we never had enough to pay the toll any way or what I am suggesting is that we will never know until we try and anything else is a form of laziness, sparked by fear. This spark of fear again is the match but the fire is laziness and it spreads into other areas of our lives often times because we get comfortable with the heat...It becomes bearable...sound familiar, You may be in Hell and don't even know it. Family Check Yourself, Lets not get comfortable with hell and furthermore lets us acknowledge that some things in life we cant afford. Let us be cognizant of the talents God's given us and put those to use as best we can before we start to reach for things we cant afford yet.

Uni @ war

So here I am Sunday morning alone with my thoughts. I'm already getting texts asking "where I am" and "why I'm not at church right now". Truthfully I don't want to go because right now God and I are at odds. This is a very uncomfortable feeling, not because of the backlash I might receive, but because my whole life this would be considered Christian treason, and a lack of spiritual fervor. Right now I feel farther away from God, and to be honest I think I need the space. Maybe it's incredible foresight on my part or insanity but I need this time to either see and understand how good he has been to me or find out if I had this thing right all along. I'm struggling with purpose, something I use to think He would take care of if I was diligent, however recent events have cause me to once again question my "EVERYTHING". A friend of mine recently went through one of the most trying and inconceivable tragedies I could ever imagine. This young man lost his first born after 7mos and for the all the wisdom I might exude nothing I come up with makes this incident make any sense. This friend was becoming an incredible father by all accounts, he wasn't a statistic leaving the mother to fend on her own, he worked hard and loved his son like a real man should. Worked hard, love hard and yet his investment and future was taken from him because it was all in God's plan…so they tell me to tell him. The more I think about that the angrier I get at God and truthfully the more I hate this ambiguous feeling I'm suppose to have as a believer. This just seems so wrong, but who am I to question God am right, who am I to say this wasn't His divine will to cause people close to the situation closer to Him. Well I'm a confused angry curious and frankly scared individual who is starting to see God for who he is and not what we make Him out to be. We make God out to be this all loving all knowing supremely powerful being who acts on His own accord void of human logic or human justice. He is able to take away who He wants, exalt who He wants, all for the glory for which he is immensely jealous about. I use to think I understood this but then I came to the conclusion that I only understand it when I can make it make sense or when it worked out in my own favor. But when an incident like this happens, I question it all. If he has His own logic and justice outside of man's, then why am I here. Why do I need to strive to achieve anything when for His glory He can take it all away in the blink of an eye. When people are telling me that I just need to listen to Him and find my purpose I get so frustrated because these same people don't even know what that really means, I don't think anybody knows what that really mean and I'm getting sick of it being my explanation for what's to come for me. And as sick as I'm becoming of it all I'm even more upset with letting other people dictate where I should go to for my own success. They tell me God they tell me school, they tell me a number of things via pressure that I have succumb to like a talented teenage girl with low confidence as the starting quarterback pressures her to love him a little more. This feeling sickens me. I only get one shot at this life and I'm starting to feel like all of it this far has come about via outside pressure and not my own inward journey. In the end I liken myself to the adolescent woman with tons of potential and a heart to do right by someone she thought she loved..I feel fucked! Excuse my Spanish…and this all may change as most things in my mind in my heart do...but right now this is just how I'm feeling.

COME ON ATLANTA RETAILERs...

Why I Cant Go to a certain Denny's anymore...smh

Who AM I

I'm a liar, a cheat, a manipulating thief, got a prollem wit false words flowin past my teeth. I'm a villain a victim all at the same time. I'm confusing like a riddle go wit the flow like a rhyme. I'm a chameleon @ my worst a coward at my best, the realest the times I need 2 be, a liar all the rest. I'm self centered which leads to self hate cause the more I focus on me the more mistakes I make. I'm trapped in this situation pride won't let me escape, so in the mean time I wait for my chance 2 break. I am misleading cause I speak sweet tales that I myself don't believe, the ones everybody wants to hear the ones that when uncovered make heads heavy n hearts 2 bleed. I am stubborn so my heart has developed a callus my skin can't even mirror, formed to drive people away instead of draw em nearer. I have grown tired of fallin' have been tempted to quit, been tortured by things that I'll never be able to forget. I am stronger than I give off yet weaker than perceived I frown when I'm happy smile when I grieve. I am gullible, I am believable, I am loved, I am hated, I am waiting for the day when I can say I have made it. I am  the dealer and the feign, both one in the same I distribute the same hate that was placed in my veins so when I'm called its no surprise that I answer to both names. I am a conqueror or more than, by no merit of my own, I am a child of the MOST HIGH seated at the throne. yet I am a lost soul in a big world, searching for a home. I am in need of rest but can't cause I need the time to follow my dreams and stay on my grind. I am what u want when you need. never more never less, I am what I am nothin more than my best

Give God all His, and get everything you need.

I'm going to keep this one as short and sweet as possible. I went to church....its been a long time since I went with such regularity but thank God I went because he really had something for me. We talked about rejection, and why we shy from it and how God does not want to reject us,(how many people can we that about) All he wants to do is LOVE us and yet we manage to mess that up by trying to earn something we don't have the funds to purchase...Imagine going to a purchase a your first car or something very expensive after you got your first check ever(whatever that was) now imagine earning that same check for the rest of your life...and still coming up short when you go to the register. That's how God looks at us when we act for Him, or do good for Him...it all comes up short, and I'm sure He laughs then asks what is was we wanted all along? Now imagine Him saying put all you have away and just take what I give you...sounds so unfair but that's the way it is. All He asks of us is to "Give it all away ad Get everything in return!" A common cliche is "you cant buy love"...well why do we so often forget that principle and try and buy God's love when he makes it plain..we will never have enough for it...SO JUST TAKE IT! This is a hard lesson because everything we are around and want demands a price that we are able to work for it...Sadly we do this with God and even our relationships with those God has given us. Loved ones True Friends, etc...we often try and buy their love because we want to give them a reason to love us and not reject us. The truth is if they are True then We are all they need and the rejection is nearly impossible to feel...I often find myself feeling empty because I pour into people hoping someone will pour equally into me...such a sad state of affairs when I realize I've poured things that weren't even worthy into people...money, spare time, a fading smile, an encouraging cliche...but rarely do I find myself loving people to the point where I give them my all, not a spare portion of myself. To get to the point in my life where God is able to use me I must learn to devote myself to something by giving it more than spare time or money, but precious time and personal resources...when we I learn that everything I need is predicated on giving God everything He wants...

NEW YEAR NEW SOLUTION TO FAILED RESOLUTIONS

Much has been made in our culture about resolutions on the New Year. Each Jan. 1^st we set aside goals and proclamations that will make our lives better from the 1^st on. But to the disappointment of most and to the surprise of none, these resolutions tend to fall short around March or so…at least in my own experience. Whether it is weight loss or more kindness/patience or what have you many times we fall short of these lofty goals of which we have not had the chance to practice in December or any other prior month, making these goals somewhat unobtainable. We expect our bodies and minds to adapt to these goals and proclamations seamlessly changing our lives for the better and making our existence from then on to be fruitful and magical like a predictable Disney movie. Let us be REAL for a moment If I were to tell you that at this stage of my life I now resolve to dunk a basketball from the free throw line or make the professional ranks as an athlete I'd probable get several deserved side eyes. Or suppose I decided resolve to make a million dollars by year's end, again side eyes would not be unexpected. All this is to say that our hope and dreams and expectations on Jan 1^st or otherwise must be founded in realistic expectation, sprinkled with at least hints of possibility, and capped off with resolve. Too many of us create resolutions without even being resolved. When I was younger I was a one sport athlete (I know sports sports sports that's all he talks about…oh well life lesson learned so hear me out) I played baseball and practiced it with great resolve. But being black in America called me to at least find my way to the blacktop (I know stereotypical but probably the truth in most cases). Problem was I sucked…no like I was the worst player possible. Prime examples I use to get beat by neighborhood girls on a regular (not a knock on my sistas that hood, but ya'll know it shouldn't be if not we'll talk…) and the worst scenario was when my pops put up a goal in the backyard for me to play and kids would come to my OWN BACKYARD PLAY with my OWN BASKETBALL & not even pick me, It got so bad once they even asked if I could go get my Pops to play with them because they were short a player…ULTIMATE DISRESPECT and ULTIMATE CHUMP/HO/PUNK etc move on my part. But then I developed RESOLVE, I made a RESOLUTION, I said to myself If I put in the same work toward basketball that I did with baseball which I loved I know I would be able to at least beat the neighborhood girls and gain my respect back. With this NEW RESOLVE came sacrifice, TIME, ENERGY, SWEAT, etc. I stayed outside every day and shot hundreds of jump shots. I practiced no other part of my game just your old fashioned white boy in the corner jumper, and I became good at it. I had my spot on the court and I knew if given the chance I would know it down every time (possible delusion of grandeur but so what confidence nonetheless) I knew that this would at least get me picked, This attitude was confidence thru hard work and dedication toward realistic and small obtainable goals, no lofty aspiration to be the best on the block or have people notice how good I became…no just the self satisfaction that only comes with time and work. So what does this 10 year old story mean today? Well as I set at the threshold of what will undoubtedly be the most exciting and trying time of my life, I must remind myself of those times were I was a failure due to ignorance lack of experience, and hard work. I feel like this year will be the beginning of my new life, a more resolved existence, where my boy hood resolutions become manhood goals not gone but now having direction and more specific plateaus that will enable me to reach my potential. I'm reminded that it all starts with a start and ends where exhaustion begins so I cannot allow myself to feel the pressure but only rise to the occasion. And at the end of the day sleep well knowing that I remained resolved through it all. I've reached a point where that feeling is satisfactory because of the gifts God has given me. Satisfied not in the outcome because we must always work harder but in the idea that when I do my best because of who I am and WHO's I am there is something fruitful in my sweat. I don't need lofty expectations and pipe dreams on the first. Because of God's grace and hand in my life I KNOW my resolve will take me places that are far and above my own expectations, so in essence on this New Year My resolution is to remain resolved in every area of my life that I can control, NO QUIT in Me…knowing that what I want is obtainable when I am able to change perspective and focus on what's real and work from there as opposed to what isn't real.

LOFTY DREAMS SHOULD BE THE BEGINNING OF EVEN GREATER GOALS!